What to do with that yucky feeling

 Say hi to it. And remember that it will leave in a few days, as it always does. Analyze the last few days and the other, outlying, unrelated occurrences that have also made me feel off kilter...a fight with Joseph? Confusion or embarrassment socially or at school? An uncomfortable conversation with family? Etc. It seems when something is off there, it's easier for me to get down about my spirituality. 

Think of the last time I was touched by something. The most recent time. What was it? (Today, my answer to this is the talk I listened to yesterday by Christofferson where he said if all we are doing is helping people who struggle, without sharing Christ, it's a good social justice goal, but that's all it is; it doesn't make a lasting, eternal effect. That touched me because I care so much about social justice, about doing good and helping others. And that's good. But the real justice, and I believe this I think, I can give to people, the real help and redemption, is giving them Christ. This thought will change nothing in the way I talk to or treat people. I'm not going to start praying about who I can invite to church. That doesn't work and doesn't work for me anymore. But I am going to have the personal faith and witness in my heart, and maybe someone will wonder or ask about it someday, and then I can share it. 

Remember that I don't have to worship the way someone else does (or the way I think they do--although it may be very different from what it seems anyway!). Remember that I don't have to talk like other people. Remember that I don't have to worship the way I always have. Remember the unique, personal things that have been beautiful to me spiritually. Why are they beautiful? What are they. (For me, thinking about Jesus and the lent scriptures I've been reading to Eloise; thinking about how He loves me; thinking about how I feel when I pray. Thinking about the simplicity of the gospel in the NT. Thinking about Jesus being the one, main, only thing that matters.)

Love of God / Contention

 I've been studying about contention a lot lately. Oct 2021 GC has some great talks about it. Elder Renlund says contention is when you have anger, resentment, and judgement toward others because of a position they hold; he says that these emotions don't mean I'm hopeless, just that it's an area that needs some attention. In 4 Nephi, where I happen to be in my scripture study, it talks about how the love of God drives away contention.

So now I'm studying the love of God. Susan Porter's talk says that the love of God, feeling the love God has for me, specifically, changes the way I treat others and how I treat myself when I make a mistake. She says that one way to foster this love is to pray for it, quoting Moroni where he says to pray for it with all energy of heart, and that it's a gift that God gives to people who follow Christ. We know of his love when the Spirit brings comfort and direction. We can pray to see his hand and his love more in our lives. 

Pondering Christ's life and sacrifice for us is another way to feel his love. And patterning our lives after his. 

10/20

I read through the entries in the TG under love of God. The scriptures tell me that it's there. That God loves me. I prayed that I would see how he loves me. One scriptures started with "because he loves you.." or something like that. I thought that woudl be a cool meditation.

Mosiah also said taht when I humble myself and call on His name daily, I'd be filled with the love of God. I can have faith in his promises. 

3 nephi 24-27

 It's interesting to me that children's "tongues" were "loosed." And they said all sorts of amazing things that were revealed to them, even stuff that was greater than what Christ had revealed! That's like crazy amazing. It's like Christ was happy to have them be messengers; their humility and love made them the perfect channels for exquisite revelation from God. 

I also liked how Jesus said to write stuff down. Why did he say that? Well, so that we would remember the things the HG teaches us, because that is how we will be judged, by those things that we know, those things that we are taught and receive witnesses of.

 

In reading the BoM this morning, I'm just reminded how much I need to rely on Jesus and His Atonement. That's the solution to all things. 

Peace I give

Jesus said that the peace He gives isn't the same kind of peace the world gives. 

His Peace: quiet, full, warm, eternal, loving, clear, motivating

World's peace: getting out of difficult situations by leaving or avoiding; not relying on God but isntead relying on self and man;  

What I want looks different from what the world wants for me. I have to remember that. I have to be resilient and not supple.

Jesus prayed for Peter

 Jesus prayed for Peter, and Jesus can pray for me.

Luke 22:32

New Testament

32 But I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not.

This scripture was in a footnote in DC 108, which talks to Lyman something about his calling. There are a few things in there, secret gems for people who struggle, it seems to me. One is that he was "Therefore, let your soul be at ^arest concerning your spiritual standing." Who knows what Lyman was going through, but apparently he needed some peace. I feel like that's what I need today.

And then later in the section, there's a message for him to strengthen his brethren, which leads to the footnote in Luke above. First have faith, then strenghten thy brethren. And if that first part (faith) is hard, maybe we can focus on the having our souls be at rest and trying to think about Jesus praying for me and helping me have peace.

Jesus and the Holy Ghost

 3 Nephi 19: 22 Father, thou hast given them the Holy Ghost because they believe in ^ame; and thou seest that they believe in me because thou hearest them, and they pray unto me; and they pray unto me because I am with them.

This reminds me of the sacramental prayers and my baptismal covenants...how if I remember Him, His spirit will be with me. This scripture is talking about people who were receiving the gift of the HG; but I think the principles apply to me, someone who's been confirmed and just wants the Spirit as a companion.

So, believing in Christ is one way that I can get the HG to be with me. How do I show that I believe, like these people showed they believe? This is how I show I believe:

• wanting to believe
• reading my scriptures each day
• praying for forgiveness and making changes to myself
• praying in general; talking to God and involving Him 
• trying to trust in Heavenly Father and Jesus
• Taking deep breaths so that I can be more patient and more kind

things work together for my good

 DC 101 says all things will work together for my good if

• i love God
• i search diligently, pray always, and be believing 
• i walk uprightly 
• I remember the covenant 
• make proposals of peace

I was feeling pretty good a few weeks ago. Now, though, I am feeling nervous, uncertain, like my faith is just super super low. like, is anythign real? true? That thought really scares me and makes me nervous. What if I did lose faith? What would happen?  could i stay and fake it? or i'd just keep doin gthe things that have always worked for me and faith and peace would come back.