Preach Jesus by conversation

IIn the hymn "Faith of our Fathers," it talks about preaching about God by loving others and using kind words and living a virtuous life. I love that. My words and they way I talk about people and things should be different. It should reflect my belief in God. It should be a sign to God of how I feel about Him. It is one way I can show that I have "taken His name upon me." I think that will be a New Years resolution--to have conversation that preaches. 

The footnote leads to this: 27 Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel. (Phil 1:27).

So cool. I don't know exactly how this relates to fathers/ancestors. But I still like it. 

"And preach thee, too, as love knows how, By kindly words and virtuous life."

Yield our hearts to God

Neill F. Marriott gave a really good talk about yield or hearts into God. The last while ice been uncomfortable at hush and even sometimes talking about church things. When I'm in my own or talking to Joseph about it, I feel fine. But when I'm at church or in a larger group of people, I don't like it that much. I feel annoyed with church culture, and I feel like there are so many other good people that aren't Mormon. I guess I can't really out my finger on what was bugging me. Anyway, I knew Heavenly Father is stretching me. There have been two things that have come out of these thoughts and feelings that are really good: 1) I never want to do anything again for the praise of man. I've done a lot of things to be seen of man. I have spent lots of my life wanting people to notice my efforts and service. I haven't done things quietly for only God to see. For some reason, this experience has made me sick at that idea now. And it's helped me recognize times that I've done  that without noticing it or meaning to.  The idea of other people noticing how i have served or whatever makes me nauseous. It's something that kills me about Mormon culture, and that I no longer can allow in myself. 2) I want to do things for God. Including being a member of the Church. I really want to be here. I'm still working on it, and I'm still having hard and prideful feelings. But I am working through them. 

Anyway this talk in 10/15 helped me so so much. I realized I need to open myself to the Spirit. Here's a few thoughts from it. 

This poem that she shares is moving to me. When I first read it, I tried to envision myself saying those words. Honestly o felt like that feeling was rusty. Like I couldn't quite say it without a tinge of resistance. I don't know why that is. I think I've been thinking a bit too much about myself and what I want and need and feel, instead of what God wants for me. Those feelings have been necessary, though, part of the process. Part of the reason I have felt this way, resistance, is because I don't want to be like everyone else. I don't want Him to make me into a cookie-cutter Mormon. But He won't; I just need to realize and feel that more. 

I like the line "yielded and still." To yield myself, I need to be obedient, I need to be repentant, and I need to be willing to do what He eventually asks me to 

do. 

She says to begin yielding our hearts to him by praying for understanding and learning about Him. "As our trust in Him grows, we open our hearts, seek to do His will, and wait for answers that will help us understand. 

After I repent, ask, is there more? What is limiting my access to guidance? 

We can only receive healing or knowledge from God after or hearts are broken and contrite. "The result of sacrificing our heart, or our will, to the Lord is that we receive the spiritual guidance we need." That's literally what Heavenly Father wants from me: a broken heart and a contrite spirit! Because then He can actually change me and improve me and truly bless me. 

Take time to think of the baby

There's a really sweet article in the December Ensign about Christmas. Christofferson advised me to relax and not be overwhelmed or even focused on what was to come in the Savior's life, but to just think about the little baby. To sit in front of a warm fire and let it warm me. Reflecting on the sweet, serene hours of his birth will warm me and comfort me and help me know how the Lord feels about my offering. Use this same idea when praying, to just be in His presence. I don't have to be perfect or the best at anything or really strong to just be with God. 

I like that advice a lot. I'm going to do it. 

Have compassion!

Have compassion!

If ye disobey, ye have no promise.

For some reason that idea is so poignant to me tonight. I have heard that a lot throughout my life, but I guess I've had enough of life now that I have learned it in my heart instead of just my head. Mostly from watching people. Maybe it's sticking more tonight because there are things j I need to do better, to better keep my end of a promise so that Heavenly Father can keep His. 

Helaman 4:11 Now this great loss of the Nephites, and the great slaughter which was among them, would not have happened had it not been for their wickedness and their abomination which was among them; yea, and it was among those also who professed to belong to the church of God.

D&C 82:10 I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.

It's true! It's logical, even. And clear. We shouldn't have any questions about it. 

What I can think of is being kind and loving and understanding toward others. I need to do that better. And if I don't, Heavenly Father can't help me be forgiving or forgiven or help me with my self-esteem or other things. He can't bless me with as much love if I'm not seeking for it for others.