If you want to be close to Him, spend some alone time with Him.

Uchtdorf said that, and I figure he is probably right. So I am going to spend some alone time with Heavenly Father. I went to the temple this afternoon, and I didn't really like it. I liked the part about Eve and how she is a good mom to us all. She put us before herself and let a really beautiful world to face suffering and hardship, just so we could come. I really love her and appreciate her. I also liked how beautiful the temple is physically, especially the celestial room. I liked how the workers were all nice and that Joseph seemed like he wanted to be there.

Anyway one thing that stuck out to me in my thoughts was obedience. There must be something amiss in my life, something I need to repent of, something I have been disobedient about because I feel cold and spiritually hungry and raw and negative sometimes. It was getting better for a minute, but it's back. I read John 15 and Jesus says that if we are branches on the vine, then we get purged. And we are branches if we have brought forth fruit before. I can't figure out if I am getting purged, or if I am one of the branches that got cut off (meaning I cut myself off, because that's the only reason I would get cut from the vine--if I had disobeyed and didn't deserve to be a part of the vine anymore).

I guess things will probably get better. I'm sure they will if I do what is right. There are still lots of things here and there that hit me, that are sweet and beautiful and assuring, that remind me that this is all true and that Heavenly Father loves me. Like the worker who took me through the veil. I have never felt so strongly that the veil worker represented Heavenly Father, but today it was so clear. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me, and His desire for me to make it to and through the veil.

So I'm going to study repentance right now.

I am watching President Monson's talk "Keep the Commandments" from last conference. He says a few things that I like:
1. Keep the commandments.
2. The adversary is a monster, looking for ways to destroy us. He knows me, and knows what will harm me most.
3. It will take courage.
4. Listen to the still small voice of the Spirit. Follow what He says. It will be harder to hear Him than it will be to hear the voices of the world, the loud, intimidating, persuasive, sophisticated, smart voices of the world.
5. The peace that comes from repentance is quiet and real.

Things I should repent of:
Bitterness toward Jordan
Bitterness toward Crystal, annoyance/impatience too
Speaking irreverently/sarcastically about sacred things
Bad language
Pride
Allowing doubts