Faith been's low

My faith has been low again. I don't really know what to do. I haven't had much motivation for a week or so. But I feel now that I want to read the BoM. I'm still working on Nelson's challenge to finish it by the end of the year. I love reading it so quickly. It's so fun. I learn new things and patterns really stick out to me. This time, the patterns I see so much are what people say to negate truth or to make you feel stupid. The BoM was written for our day, I swear. It's like God knew all the things people would say. They really haven't changed much over time.

I was thinking this week about how medicine sometimes just seems more effective than Jesus's atonement. It seems that might be true, about physical and mental ailments. It sucks. Watching Meredith Beck this week, as a 14 year old, going through such intense anxiety and sleep deprivation, the prayers and priesthood blessings just like haven't worked. And so I was thinking, well what's the point then? I don't really know. I guess we will see what happens. But I did remember today during the Sacrament how sweet the spiritual healing that comes from the Savior and His Atoenment is, when I seek it and am worthy of it. Nothing can copare to it. But with mental struggles, it's tough, because you can't even really get spiritual ...feelings, blessings, etc., when you are mentally distraught. Moira, Meredith. I guess I just have to do some learning about this.

Also, I'm realizing how sensitive my Spirit is. It's taken me a couple weeks to really realize how true that is, how much things affect me. I'm not talking about violent movies and language. I'm talking about ideas. I love NPR. I love the podcasts and the books I've been reading. And I don't want to stop learning. But the opinions of those things are what are harmful to me. I want to learn facts and make decisions. But advertising to others seems to be somewhat contentious, unless it's inspired by the Spirit. Anyway. I've been taking a break from NPR, and I thnk I will continue to do so.