Anger

Matt 5:22 says whoever is angry with his brother is if danger of judgment. The footnotes take you to Proverbs 29:22 where it says that a man's pride shall bring him low and that an angry man stirreth up strife and the furious man abounds in transgressions. Then that leads to Ecclesiastes 7:9, which says that anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Anger just isnt a good thing and there really isn't an excuse for it.

Bridle your passions and be filled with love

Alma 38:12 is just such an interesting scripture. It seems contradictory, to mortal perceptions, because it says bridling what some consider to be love gets you more love. But the loves are different loves. When we become masters of ourselves, we become vessels clean enough for the real kind of love and passion: charity. I want to think about this. What passions do I need to work on bridling? Anything that stands in the way of God. Anything that puts me first. Anything that reflects the natural man. Anything that isn't inspired or supported by the Spirit.

Jesus Christ my center

https://www.google.com/amp/s/speeches.byu.edu/talks/michelle-stott-james_empty-centers-fire-lord/amp/?client=ms-android-sprint-us

Is Jesus Christ my center? Is His Atonement the center of everything i do and say and think?

She talks about Mortal perception and spiritual perception. Mortal perception is something that causes learning bit by bit every day right now. I want to remember to teach him to observe his spiritual perception and to be in tune with it, since that is where real truth and stability and happiness will come in his life.

"It is only the limitations of our mortal perceptions that give us this illusion of isolation from God. As soon as we embrace our spiritual way of knowing, we find that God is as close to us as we allow Him to be, and His communication with us is constant."

"Because our concrete physicality tends to predominate, we are constantly reminded to take time away from our busy mortal activities so that we can develop our skills in spiritual perception. We gain this spiritual training by immersing ourselves in engaged Church activity, temple attendance, scripture study, and sincere personal prayer."

Teach by example.

I felt a spiritual rebuking recently regarding how I talk about people and also my language in general. The natural man and me as a rapper mouth compared to what I want to be, and also a somewhat cynical point of view toward people. I would much rather be positive to be around, and that takes effort. I don't want to suppress my feelings but I want to redirect Energies to lift others instead. And I also want to be a good example and conversation and word and deed. I think this will become more important in my life as my kids get older and as I have different callings.

"Nothing unseemly should come from our lips that would give any child the right or the privilege to do wrong." Howard W Hunter

People I can serve

Landon by living and listening to him and testifying when I feel inclined.

Joseph by making his lunch. Making him dinner. Sending him nice texts or snaps throughout the day. Asking him questions about what he is learning. Praying for him. Praying for ways to serve him and for strength to be supportive. Being kind to and about his family.

My siblings by talking with them and praying for them. Asking them if there is anything i can do for them

Neighbors by helping them with yard work and greeting them.

Christina Beck by praying for her. 

Stake conference

Marriage advice: keep trying. Be a better adipose by selfless service. True happiness on marriage comes when we or or spouse's happiness above our own. Use the atonement in marriage.

Simplify my life by strengthening my love for the Lord. By prayerfully getting rid of things. And by

Love those you teach. Instead of thinking about myself or what I think I need to or what I want to teach. Think about what they need.

What if they don't tell me and I don't know?
Do I just ask? Maybe this is the time in my life when i have to figure out how to get their needs in a different way of asking, when asking doesn't work.

Study Teaching on the Savior's Way online.

When I study the scriptures I get trained to get answers to prayers and understand the voice of the spirit.

My spirit needs nourishment just like my body. Think of fasting.

Look and pray for daily opportunities to serve. Service will fill my life with the spirit มากยิ่งขึ้น. Pray specifically about how to serve. And pray with all my heart for charity so that I can feel love for others. And when I  get promptings, thank Heavenly Father for them and for helping me recognize them.

Motherhood

Motherhood is getting tiring and purposeless for me. But I don't want it to be that way. I want to love it like I did that first year.

I'm trying to take the issue to the Lord because no one else totally get a me and what's more, no one else can actually fix it for reals. I figure if I have a testimony of motherhood and it's divinity and if I truly know that is what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing right now...neither of which I have yet...then it will be easier for me. I will have more purpose and faith and willingness to do it because I will know he wants me to and he is proud of me. My approval and Joseph' and Conley's and outsiders' just isn't proving to be enough.

So I studied a chapter in Benson's prophet book. He talks about how the calling of motherhood is sacred and noble. "No more sacred word exists in secular or holy writ than that of mother. There is no more noble work than that of a good and God-fearing mother."

And

"We honor you as you bear, nourish, train, teach, and love for eternity. I promise you the blessings of heaven and “all that [the] Father hath” (see D&C 84:38) as you magnify the noblest calling of all—a mother in Zion."

He also gives some tips on how to magnify our callings as mothers, which I just prayed for. One of them is to be at the crossroads of their comings and goings. He says to be their true friend. He says to pray in Faith with them and read to them. He says to teach them gospel principles. He says to prayerfully work at the things that are difficult...like showing love to older children as opposed to younger. But that applies to anything. The prayerful working.

No contention

Because they were living the gospel fully and truly. And they had the LOVE of God in their hearts. I forgot this this weekend when I was getting frustrated with bridesmaids. I want to be better about this.

In His name

Learned an interesting thing in church today. In gospel doctrine they are teaching 3 Nephi 27 and talking about doing things in this name. Christ in there says that the church should be called in this name if it is His church. Usually my head stopped there when I have read this in the past. But this time unrealized the Christ also says that everything should be done in his name. Gosh that is so important. Teaching John our neighbor this week made me think about Catholicism a lot. And other religions and general. This church does things in Christ's name. Everything! Blessings prayers lessons ordinances everything. That is amazing and unique. And I want to try to always be worthy to do that, to do things in His name end to represent Him. 

Scriptures!

Scriptures rock! It's so cool when scriptures talk about scriptures too. In the hymn As I Search the Holy Scriptures, they're are some really great footnotes. In 2 Tim it says that the scriptures are profitable for reporting and correction and perfection. And in Romans it says they are profitable for comfort and hope. It just love that so much and am so humbled that I have been able to experience all of those with the scriptures.

Gc 2

Hales:
We all want to be converted. Think about that when sharing the gospel. Every soul is looking for conversion, to know God again. Keep a spiritual perspective.

Calls to action
Pray to over come nervousness to share the gospel.
Love more,and I will suffer less.
Remember the beauty of the gospel and plan of happiness and remember how delicious it is. Allow that to affect how I treat people, how I feel about church and callings, etc.
I can't even begin to try to share the gospel until I love a person. That may be the first step of my missionary work with some people (who I don't love sincerely yet).
Study about Korihor and compare him to things that tempt me or affect my joy today
Study how to worship and make Sunday more sincerely worshipful
Also prepare for the sacrament more

Gc

I watched the women's session and it was so good. The first speaker talked about charity. She said sometimes we look at the chicken instead of the peacock in people. I liked that and I think it's true. The second one talked about how powerful the atonement is. How it can heal us. She shared a result sweet story of a girl with bipolar disorder. The next talk made me think that I need to figure out how to testify of truth and to teach the gospel perspective about hard things like same sex attraction. I feel like I would struggle with testifying of the gospel perspective on that of someone struggled with it because I wouldn't want to offend them. And she mentioned that. That we too often fear being offensive. I need to work on that I guess.  I need to figure out the black and white.  I feel like there is so much gray though. Out just seems impossibly hard.

The last talk was about faith. I lobbed Ott because he mentioned things that faith cannot do. Like take away someone's agency. Or force God to do something. I want to listen to it again so I can catch the call to action.

WWJD

I'm revisiting this saying. Alma 4:13 says to suffer afflictions for Christ's sake. What does that mean? I don't know. He had to suffer for everything anyway, regardless of whether or not we do too. Maybe it's something like this: suffer like He did not for him but for us.

I feel animosity toward my in-laws for lots of reasons. But I should suffer or handle the things they do like Jesus would.

Sanctify

How do we sanctify ourselves? D&C 43:16 says that if we do it, then we will be endowed with power and then will be able to give or do whatever he asks us to. So good! So, sanctifying ourselves. There are a few ways from this same section:

1. Treasure up his word (v. 34)
2. Hearken to these words
3. Let the solemnities of eternity rest upon your mind
4. Be sober (35)
5. Keep all my commandments
6. Labor in his vineyard (28)
7. Repent (22)
8. Gird up your loins (19)
9. Lift up your voices and call all nations to repent

Walk in the Lord's way

Deut 11:22 ¶For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him.

What is walking with the Lord? Its walking in His way. It's obeying His commandments. It's completing his ordinances and keeping our covenants with Him.

14 And they did also bury their weapons of war, according as their brethren had, and they began to be a righteous people; and they did walk in the ways of the Lord, and did observe to keep his commandments and his statutes.

It's burying our weapons of war. It's finding out what our weapons are first! What are our vices or habits or sins we need to repent of and bury?

It's loving God.

Examples

From a sacrament meeting talk in council bluffs

It should matter to us what other people think of God and the Church BECAUSE of us.

Also, not being a bad example isn't the same thing as being a good example. Not doing anything is not being a positive example.

I feel good

I have felt the spirit a lot today. I feel grateful for that because it isn't always that way. And church has been frustrating the last month or so. Just haven't really liked it. But I've been doing a couple things so that I could feel the spirit more in my life. Like drive the speed limit. And read my scriptures every day. And dedicate one day a week to studying prayer. And praying more fervently and frequently. My faith is increasing. It felt so good to feel the spirit today at church.

Heard thy cry

Mosiah 9 was a perfect chapter to read because it gave a great train of scriptures to follow. On verse 8 I think. On the word "hear."

The scriptures in the footnote for that word were all so perfect. I'm learning that there is a distinction between hearing and then doing something. Sometimes all this wants to do is to hear our cries. And he always hears them. Then he decides if it's in our best interest to answer them or to respond to them. But he always hears them.

Grace

I mean, how do we use Grace very day? How do we do continuously apply the blood of the atonement? How do I continue to convert?

Repent daily
Pray really hard
Pray often
Think about and keep my covenants
Receive Him
Abide in him
Let his words abide in me
Learn about him and his words
Keep his commandments willingly and purposely and eagerly

I have tasted the sweet taste of forgiveness or growth or change of heart, but can I feel so now. I mean, not as much as then. I don't think this lack is because of sin per se. Maybe just lack of effort.

"We find joy in the consistent effort of experiencing a change of heart as we embrace the Atonement of Jesus Christ in our lives." Elder Dube, Ensign, June 2016

Between he and thee alone

D&C 28:11 talks about Joseph Smith and how he needed to talk to Hiram Page, a man who purported to be receiving revelation through a stone, his fault. The Lord told Joseph to go to him alone, essentially to not make the issue public. I think this is important, and a good principle. I need to approach people directly and not talk about them with others or make them look bad. He footnote leads to Matthew 18:15: ¶Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

Then I read Uchtdorf's "The Merciful Shall Obtain Mercy," and it was so powerful and moving. Do I forgive? Am I the kind of person who forgives? I need to forgive. I need to think about the beams in my eye, and about the imperfections and sins that Jesus forgives in me. I need to show love to others and remember that maybe I am supposed to love them and help them. I need to fill my body and heart with love for God and let that govern my feelings and thoughts and actions. 

Fertile ground

I realized today after reading Eyring's talk from April 2016 that the parable of the seeds and the different kinds of ground applies to the various states of a one person's heart. That is amazing. I have a lot of agency in how soft I am, how fertile I let my ground be. I loved that talk. Eyring says things like how we choose to pray with all our hearts or we choose to offer our prayer along with other's, etc. It's powerful.

Women

Notes from Nelson's talk, "A Plea to My Sisters" in October 2015

Have faith that covenant-keeping women really will have an impact on the future of the Lord's Church, that they will bring others to it and to Jesus by the lives they live (Spencer W. Kimball). What's a covenant-keeping woman? One who keeps her covenants, who remembers the Savior, who takes His name upon her and represents Him, one who attends the temple, one who keeps the commandments, one who studies and learns the gospel, one who repents, one who dedicates her life to serving the Lord.

These are the qualities that will bring women of the world and their families to the Lord:
Virtue
Light
Love
Knowledge
Courage
Character
Faith
Righteous lives
Woman who know how to make important things happen by their faith
Woman who are courageous defenders of morality and the family
Devoted to shepherding God's children on the path toward God
Woman who know how to receive personal revelation
Who understand the power and peace of the temple endowment
Women who know how to call upon the power of heaven to strengthen their families
Woman who teach fearlessly (italicized because this is something I want to work on)

How to pray in a way that God can answer

Have the mind of Chrsit and the will of Christ. Remember the two overlapping circles. Left side is what I want, right side is that He wants. How much do they overlap? One way to help with this is to tack on "but if not" to my requests. 

And remember this: "I noticed that the things I want are largely circumstantial things—things based on the circumstances of life—while the things that God wants for me are mostly un-circumstantial (don’t look that up; it’s not really a word), or things relating to the state of my heart." LDS.org 4/12/2016

Take upon you His cross

I'm studying Jacob 1:8 today. The footnotes are great. The third one leads to use 14:27, which leads to a bunch more. From them I learned that taking up His cross means denying myself of ungodliness. Taking upon me His cause and name. It means bearing the shame of the world and not worrying about what there think or say about Him or my believing in Him. It means believing in Christ and becoming like Him. 

My soul is happy about the restoration

Recently I felt like I needed to strengthen my testimony of Joseph Smith and the restoration. So I started reading the D&C. Wow! Today I felt the blessings of it. I read a talk about Palmyra that was about this guy who had a question about why Palmyra was the place for Joseph Smith to see God and why and how there were crowds of people there. And basically his talk was about how we get answers to prayers if we seek them. As I read the talk, I just thought about how everything about Joseph Smith and the restoration was really unique and special. And it all and each happened because Heavenly Father loves us. And wants us to have truth. So many little things just worked out in our favor. What a blessing. And I'm so grateful. Then I read D&C 19. And I don't remember what it's about even now, besides Jesus talking about His experience and encouraging them to always repent and to teach repentance. But I remember the way I felt. The same as above. And this scripture pretty nicely and sweetly sums it up: "39 Behold, canst thou read this without rejoicing and lifting up thy heart for gladness?"

Sacrament meeting

I felt the spirit so strong today during Sacrament Meeting. Xavier Zamora gave a talk and he testified a lot in it and each time he did, I felt there Spirit confirming to me it was true. It's such a blessing to have experiences like that in Sacrament Meeting, experiences when I love he meeting and listen and my heart is touched and I feel truly edified. 

I learned from a youth's talk that in order to make my worship more worshipful during Sacrament Meeting, I need to think about the meaning of the words of the hymns. I need to pay attention to them. I need to sing them as praises or as prayers into God. This is something I'm going to try harder to do. 

I also had a day vision about me as a mother a few years down the road and my kids asking me why I read he scriptures each day. Instead of giving them a list of impersonal reasons why we should read the scriptures, this is what my day vision showed me to say: "My reason is different every day. Today is..." Hopefully, this will show them that some days I read them to get strength. Some days for more patience. Some days because I love God. Some days because I need answers. Some days because I'm preparing to teach. I want to be authentic to them. I can't wait to have conversations like that with my children. 

Repent. Just do it.

In 2 Nephi 28, Nephi's like, "So everything I said is true and really important and just listen to it. In the latter days, when my progenitors are going to be reading this stuff, people are gonna be going around saying, 'There's no God,' or 'God doesn't do miracles anymore. He already did all that,' or 'There is a God, but he won't care about the little stuff.' Don't believe them."

Nephi goes through and talks about a bunch of different kinds of sins. He spends a lot of verses talking about blasphemy and pride and foolishness. And then, toward the end of the discussion, he says in one simple verse: "So, repent. Just do it. God's arms are always extended." When I first read this, I was thinking about other people. Yeah, they should just repent. But then I realized I needed to be thinking about myself and my sins and just repent of them. And stop doing that. I prayed that I'd be able to forgive a couple people that I have bitter feelings toward. I think and hope that for GC this weekend, I will know what I can give up and improve for the Lord. And I hope my heart is humble and open to receiving that. Maybe I should pray for it.

Easter thoughts

I'm teaching sharing time on Easter and I'm really grateful for the opportunity. I have been studying the resurrection and the Atonement this week, and it really has been wonderful. I feel as though this is going to be a special Easter for me, and I'm grateful for that. Easter needs to be celebrated more in the Church, and this one is going to be a big celebration in my heart.

As I've been studying, I've wanted to teach the kids three things that came from Easter: 1) resurrection, 2) ability to repent, and 3) enabling power. I feel like this is an important lesson

2 Nephi 4

There's so much to learn from this chapter. My biggest takeaways were that I need to trust in the Lord more and no rely so much on myself, the arm of flesh. I've gone too far on the spectrum of asking for help/doing your best with your best judgment. Maybe it's Satan who makes us think that the latter is always the better option; and then it turns into relying on the arm of flesh and not trusting in God. 

Another thought is that love consumes the flesh. I wonder if I felt God's love it love for God more often if I would be able to get rid of the natural man tendencies in me, like the temptation to rely on myself, or the temptation to be prideful or judge others. 

The last is from verse 27: when we give way to temptations, the evil one has place in our hearts, destroys our peace and afflicts our soul. Wow! Pretty awful effects and results from sinning. 

What makes the Liahona work?

Before that, we need to understand how it came to be. People didn't make it. So no matter how good we are or smart we are or whatever, we still need guidance from Heavenly Father. "And the Lord prepared it. And behold, there cannot any man work after the manner of so curious a workmanship." Man couldn't have done it. And God loves us, so He did. 

"And it did work for them according to their faith" (Alma 37:40). It works according to their faith. I need to ask more. I need to ask for guidance more often, and believe God will give it to me. I think it's possible to go too far to the "God wants me to make decision on my own and do things the best that I can do before asking Him" side. He wants to help me, and He wants to grow our relationship. 

Things that break it: slothfulness (apathetic, lazy), not exercising our faith and diligence 

Transgression, traveling an indirect course (Alma 37:41-42)

Or don't give heed. So not only when you do not ask, but when you don't heed what is given to you. 

Look and live! It's there. The way is prepared. Just look. The words of Christ can lead us a straight course to eternal bliss 

Repent

In John 8, Jesus shows a few different thing about sin and repentance. First wi the woman taken in adultery, he shows that we can't judge other's sins, no matter how serious they are. He also demonstrated how willing He is to forgive when we have a broken heart and contrite spirit. 

Later on, Jesus shows the Pharisees that  they don't know God, that they are servants of sin: 34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.

Nephi builds a ship

One interesting thing about 1 Nephi is the just apposition between Nephi being shown what to do and Nephi figuring things out on His own. The Liahona gave lots of directions, when they were righteous. But it didn't tell them where to find tools. Instead, Nephi knew in order to be a god steward, there were a few things he would need to do on his own first before asking the Lord. For example, he made a new bow. He asked the Lord where to find ore (I wonder if he looked in his own first). The spirit of the Lord was present and powerful when it needed to be, but it wasn't there and strong so often that they did every little thing according to it. The Lord trusted them to make their own decisions and to use their muscles or their best judgment figure things out. 

By this shall men know

John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

This is how people we going to know that I am a real disciple of Christ: if and how I show love. Am I truly a disciple of Christ? Do I really want to follow Him and be like Him? 

He loves me. Am I perfect? Do I deserve His love? No. Not really. But He loves me always. That is how I should love others. 

1 John 4:21 And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.

How I can improve my prayers

I sang "Prayer Is the Soul's Sincere Desire" for my scriptures study this morning. That hymn is so good, all seven verses. The references it gave led to 3 Nephi 13:5-18, which include the Lord's Prayer. From it I learn this:

"Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." 

This makes me feel that I need to have more sacred reverence and respect for God and His will when I pray. I also need to realize that He knows of what I need before I ask Him, which means I should ask Him more fervently what I should pray about and for. Pray to Him as though He really is all-knowing and omniscient and the Potter and I just the clay. 

"Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors." What this means is that once we have forgiven others, we can then ask for forgiveness for ourselves. So maybe the first step in this part of prayer is to work on figuring out who we need to forgive and doing it. 

Then we ask for help with things we are tempted with. And we do this by recognizing that He has all power and will receive all glory from everything good. 

Keep the commandments and exhort others to do the same

There is a major theme in 1 Nephi about keeping the commandments and how doing so will only bring blessings. Blessings like prosperity, things working out, etc. 

Also there is a verse that talks about inviting others to keep them too: 

1 Nephi 17:15 "Wherefore, I, Nephi, did strive to keep the commandments of the Lord, and I did exhort my brethren to faithfulness and diligence."

The footnotes are especially insightful. They talk about exhorting wth diligence and authority. That idea reminds me of what my stake president, President Cutler, says to his high councilman, that they should not be embarrassed to teach others and train them in the way of the gospel. To teach without reservation.

Right now Jessie and Mark are having a hard time. I wonder how we can help them and if we can use this verse. Look up the footnotes! 

Repentance and what the Atonement can do for you.

It's really beautiful all the immense changes that Alma the Younger and his peeps the sons of Mosiah went through and how they changed, how they were changed by the power of the Atonement. Heavenly Father and Jesus are so amazing! The Atonement changed them from being destructive, selfish, ignorant, unkind to the following:

preaching Jesus and explaining the scriptures to all who wanted to listen
teaching with long-suffering (they were kind to the people who didn't want to listen and were mean to them, and they were patient with the ones who took a while to latch on)
publishing peace
comforting people
confirming their faith, their actions showed what they felt and believed to be true.
eager to encourage others to keep the commandments and repent and change and come to a knowledge of their Redeemer

This says to me that they were kind, they didn't force people to listen or change, they went to those who were ready, and they were kind to those who weren't.

Personal Goals

Joseph and I set family goals this year:
1. Save 10% of all income
2. Budget better; spend differently
2. Set monthly goals (e.g. missionary work). Pray for divine guidance in your goal setting!
3. Pray more often and fervently, as a couple and a family


But I want to have my personal goals, too. So here they are:

1. Read scriptures every morning. Wake up at 6:30 am to study.
2. Send 4 articles to publishers this semester
3. Use kind words and kind thoughts. Preach Jesus by the words I use, especially the words I use about others.
4. Weekly plan for meals.
5. Wash the dishes better.
6. Get counseling to enjoy the moment better.
7. Especially after I graduate: keep setting goals; learning goals, too. Learn new things and continue to progress. Don't fall in a stagnant rut when I have little to measure my progression by. Even journal about my progress, often! At least twice a year. Talk about what I have learned and how I have changed. (See: https://www.lds.org/ensign/2015/12/young-adults/navigating-the-currents-of-life?cid=HP_MO_1-11-2016_dPFD_fENSN_xLIDyL2-4_&lang=eng)

What measure ye mete

I just learned that the judgments we use to judge others are not only the judgments they will use tonight us, but also and more importantly the judgments God will use to judge us! 

D&C 1:10 Unto the day when the Lord shall come to recompense unto every man according to his work, and measure to every man according to the measure which he has measured to his fellow man.

Think of King Noah and Mordecai. And 1 Nephi 14:3. Wow. It's pretty literal.

Pay attention to the second verse below. Guard other's names as I would my own.

Karma really is a gospel principle, the idea that what you send out returns to you. Alma 41:14-15 says:

"14 Therefore, my son, see that you are merciful unto your brethren; deal justly, judge righteously, and do good continually; and if ye do all these things then shall ye receive your reward; yea, ye shall have mercy restored unto you again; ye shall have justice restored unto you again; ye shall have a righteous judgment restored unto you again; and ye shall have good rewarded unto you again.

15 For that which ye do send out shall return unto you again, and be restored; therefore, the word restoration more fully condemneth the sinner, and justifieth him not at all."

This is a good scripture to ponderizing. 

A few scriptures on obedience

I'm applying what I learned in primary yesterday to study just a few scriptures, or just one verse, at a time and try to get as much as I can out of it.

"Keep the Commandments, in this there is safety, in this there is peace." Safety and peace. It's got to be true.

Mosiah 2:22 "All that he requires of you is to keep His commandments." It's true, huh!

What commandments do I have trouble keeping? 

• Having charity for others (Moroni 7:45: "suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things..."). I don't suffer long with some people. I rejoice in the iniquity of talking bad about them and of telling other people, like girlfriends, things they do that annoy me. Crystal, the Potters, Jordan, a few others I can't think of especially. When I am with them, I feel love. It's the image in my mind, the version of them I have created that I don't like. But when I'm with Crystal or the Potters, I feel love for them, and it's easier for me to treat them well. The emotion is the one that I need to cultivate all the time. These are my biggest sins: speaking and feeling poorly about others, being easily provoked, thinking evil of them, rejoiceth in iniquity, bearing all things. I need to bear all things better, realize people aren't perfect, realize that my talking badly about them results in distance from the Spirit and from Heavenly Father. This is a commandment I can keep better. 
• Watching my thoughts, words, deeds (Mosiah 4:30). Sometimes my words don't reflect how I actually feel about things. I say unkind things about other people, or I joke about sacred things.

The verse that I'm dissecting today (Mosiah 2:22) mentions that Heavenly Father never varies from what He says. Why, then, do I need to vary? Why do I sometimes want to keep the commandment, then other times don't? 

The footnote on "keep" leads to several other scriptures that say the same thing, the same formula: keep the commandments and you will prosper, be safe. There are so many promises for us when we keep the commandments. We are safe in the box. We are protected from harm, temptation, falling, eternal sadness, punishment, eternal confusion. 

On the second "keep" (it's interesting that the two different "keeps" have different footnotes), the footnote leads to Psalms 19:9-11: The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgmentsof the Lord are true and righteous altogether.

10  More to be desired are theythan gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11  Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keepingof them there is great reward.

Pretty cool. Pretty vivid imagery. His judgments are more to be desired than gold; they are sweeter than honey. Keeping His commandments yields rewards greater than gold and sweeter than honey. 

If you want to be close to Him, spend some alone time with Him.

Uchtdorf said that, and I figure he is probably right. So I am going to spend some alone time with Heavenly Father. I went to the temple this afternoon, and I didn't really like it. I liked the part about Eve and how she is a good mom to us all. She put us before herself and let a really beautiful world to face suffering and hardship, just so we could come. I really love her and appreciate her. I also liked how beautiful the temple is physically, especially the celestial room. I liked how the workers were all nice and that Joseph seemed like he wanted to be there.

Anyway one thing that stuck out to me in my thoughts was obedience. There must be something amiss in my life, something I need to repent of, something I have been disobedient about because I feel cold and spiritually hungry and raw and negative sometimes. It was getting better for a minute, but it's back. I read John 15 and Jesus says that if we are branches on the vine, then we get purged. And we are branches if we have brought forth fruit before. I can't figure out if I am getting purged, or if I am one of the branches that got cut off (meaning I cut myself off, because that's the only reason I would get cut from the vine--if I had disobeyed and didn't deserve to be a part of the vine anymore).

I guess things will probably get better. I'm sure they will if I do what is right. There are still lots of things here and there that hit me, that are sweet and beautiful and assuring, that remind me that this is all true and that Heavenly Father loves me. Like the worker who took me through the veil. I have never felt so strongly that the veil worker represented Heavenly Father, but today it was so clear. I felt Heavenly Father's love for me, and His desire for me to make it to and through the veil.

So I'm going to study repentance right now.

I am watching President Monson's talk "Keep the Commandments" from last conference. He says a few things that I like:
1. Keep the commandments.
2. The adversary is a monster, looking for ways to destroy us. He knows me, and knows what will harm me most.
3. It will take courage.
4. Listen to the still small voice of the Spirit. Follow what He says. It will be harder to hear Him than it will be to hear the voices of the world, the loud, intimidating, persuasive, sophisticated, smart voices of the world.
5. The peace that comes from repentance is quiet and real.

Things I should repent of:
Bitterness toward Jordan
Bitterness toward Crystal, annoyance/impatience too
Speaking irreverently/sarcastically about sacred things
Bad language
Pride
Allowing doubts